I'm Not Dead Yet

Turns out that recovering from bronchitis is no easy thing. I had finished all my antibiotics and steroids and was still coughing. Then my energy waned. And then I felt really bad -- again. So I went back to the doctor last Wednesday and was diagnosed with a bronchitis relapse. I got a vitamin B12 shot to boost my immunity and prescriptions for 10 more days of antibiotics and 12 more days of steroids.

I have to admit, I left the doctor's office feeling defeated. I started to wonder if I would ever be able to get back to the gym. I considered was lost days meant to my half-marathon training plan. But most of all, I realized that I needed to make some big changes. I'm not willing to be sick so often, to have fatty liver disease and high-blood pressure and a host of other ailments.

Change is coming -- and I think better health will follow.

Knowing When Enough is Enough

I have a hard time knowing when enough is enough when it comes to food. I often eat past the point of being full, which is no surprise since I'm morbidly obese. But recently I've been thinking about why this happens and how to curb it.

I've wondered if I couldn't stop eating because of genes, a troubled childhood or cultural influences. (Certainly there is something to blame besides myself!) Maybe the "off-switch" in my brain is broken?

After meditating on this issue (and a good discussion with my friend M.B.), I've decided that the issue really is about trust -- or my lack of it. I don't trust my stomach and brain to know when I am full. And, I don't trust that God gave my body the tools to make that decision. Instead, I've learned to trust external sources (i.e. diets) to provide that information. Despite the fact that diets don't work, I still trust them -- and am constantly seeking the perfect one that will relieve me from having to learn to trust myself and my perfectly designed body.

Whoa. It's been a major revelation for me. And I'm excited, too, to try to listen to my body and see where it takes me. I'll let you know how the journey goes!

Coming Back Slowly

I'm still recovering from my prolonged illness with bronchitis. I haven't been this sick in a long time. Mostly, I stayed in bed (literally!), slept and ate toast with tea. Not a very fun way to pass a week.

Last night, after a nap, I went to the gym for my first work out with my trainer since I got sick. It was frustrating to have to work out so slowly in between coughing fits. It was disheartening to discover how weak I still was.

But Tracy the Trainer spelled it out for me: this is a lifestyle. You will get sick. You will get injured. The important thing is to stay focused and return to exercise in a way that is sustainable. There is no end goal. Exercise itself -- no matter how easy or hard -- is the goal.

What perspective! And a valuable lesson I desperately needed to hear.